personal

Resolution reflections

As 2015 is winding down to a close, I’ve reflected upon the past year. Thankfully, I can say with confidence that 2015 was nowhere near as hellish as 2014 was. It was a year of healing and growth. As a comparison, here are the resolutions I set last year.

Make it through the Spring semester
I, unfortunately, had to commit to a full course drop because returning to school directly after the events of 2014 was not the right decision for me.

Take the time to create art.
I doodled, drew a few digital portraits, but I mostly made video game edits in PhotoShop. (And make a great new friend, Kat, through my StarCraft edits!) I also returned to playing with more elaborate eyeshadow techniques. I’d like to continue with this goal in the new year, as art makes me happy.

Incorporate exercise and healthier food back into my life.
Yeeeah, this didn’t end up happening until December. But I’ve got momentum going toward the new year and am down 10lbs and feel better as I’ve been treating my body better. Now? To work on my self image, as my binge eating disorder has done a number on my psyche.

Obtain health insurance.
It starts 1/1/16! Finally.

Stop hating myself for what I perceive as a lack of life accomplishments.
This has been my biggest accomplishment thus far. I do have days where I’m down on myself, but I’m in my healthiest mental state since… man, I can’t even tell you. I plan on following up with a psychiatrist in the new year to make sure I remain in a good place and that I don’t end up regressing to the dark place I was at in September.

2016resolutionsTake life one day at a time.
Since I’m heading back to school, I need to practice balance. Work through coursework on good mental health days (since I’m taking online courses), rest on bad days. The biggest thing is to not freak out and completely shut down when exams and due dates approach, especially if my grades aren’t as perfect as I had hoped for. Anxiety and perfectionism is one hell of a combo, y’all.

Continue to nurture my physical health.
When my mood sours, everything goes south. I neglect my hygiene, I binge eat the junkiest foods, and I pretty much fuse with my bed. What I want to do is to continue with the exercise I find enjoyable and to keep logging my food intake on MyFitnessPal so I can catch myself before a relapse. And, of course, practice healthy hygienic practices, even if it means bribing myself with Lush or other nice products. This loops back to taking life one day at a time; if I slip into a depressive state, I will remember that each day is a new beginning.

Do more of what makes me happy.
I’ll be the first to admit, sometimes, I can be so lazy that I put off doing stuff I actually like to do!. I will mindlessly spend browsing the Internet instead of reading, making art, blogging, or even playing a video game. I need to do more of what makes my heart happy, rather than coasting along on autopilot until bed time.

This also means spending more time with loved ones. I’m an introvert; I do a lot of hiding out. I need to poke my head out more often than I do because the toughest lessons I have learned is that nothing, nor nobody, lasts forever. Cherish the time you have.

 

 

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